Boundaries again. I know I've written about them before, but I've been struggling to maintain personal boundaries I've set. I've allowed others to bully me into doing things I didn't want to do - things I knew were too much for me.
I wanted to know why I couldn't seem to maintain my boundaries, so I took a look back through my early life. I discovered that my fear of setting and keeping boundaries all stemmed from long ago when I first overstepped a friend's boundaries and was rejected on those grounds.
My feelings of hurt, fear, humiliation, rejection, devastation, shame, were all felt so keenly way back then, that I have allowed that to undermine what I've been working so hard to do right now in the present time.
I have been so conscious of not inflicting those emotions on other people, that I've allowed them to walk all over me rather than set respectful, realistic personal boundaries.
Now that I know the source of my "weakness" for want of a better term, I can now face it and deal with it.
To deal with this problem, I've used the Love Letter, which has become a favorite tool of mine. Below is the letter I wrote to myself:
Boundaries Love Letter To Me
Dear Self;
I'm angry with you because I discovered that you were holding on to old beliefs that were sabotaging your ability to set realistic boundaries for yourself and keep those boundaries.
You were allowing old hurts and wounds to make you feel bad about setting boundaries.
This makes me sad. It is great that you don't want to hurt other people's feelings, but you are also worthy of not being hurt.
I am afraid that you are going to allow people to bully you into letting them break down your barriers and step over your personal boundaries.
I am afraid that you will allow your own fear of hurting others to enable them to hurt you.
I am sorry that, in the past, you felt so bad about stepping over someone else's boundaries that you have been afraid to set your own and keep them up right now in the present time.
I want you to know that you are worthy of setting boundaries of your own. I want you to set those boundaries and not feel guilty if you have to enforce them.
I understand your great love and compassion for others, but you must also have great, if not greater, compassion for yourself. You need these boundaries and you need to show others that you will not be forced into letting them walk all over you.
Thank you for listening to me. You are learning to listen to me, your inner self, so much more these days. Thank you for trusting in me to guide you.
I understand how hard it is for you to enforce your own personal boundaries. I see you struggle every day with your conscience about this.
I am sorry that your experiences in your childhood have left you feeling as though you are not strong enough and confident enough to keep enforcing your boundaries, but I know that you are strong enough to do this.
You deserve respect from other people, and you deserve respect from yourself. You are worthy of setting boundaries and you should set them and keep them.
I want you to know that you can trust yourself with the setting of these personal boundaries. I know that you are always considerate of others' needs as well as your own. You need not fear that in the setting of your own boundaries that you are stepping upon anyone else's. You know that you will never do this. I will not allow it.
I love your compassionate nature, and I love how you always consider others in everything you do. Most of all, I love your new love of me. I will always be with you to help and guide you. And I will always love you.
Love Self.
Now that I've written that letter to myself and I've read it over a few times to reinforce it in my mind, I feel much more confident and able to deal with people who want to push me around.
